"I could never have got married to someone like Yuyun
if I was still in England. Here there are no problems."
Or if there are he's not aware of them, for the
Javanese tend to be polite to your face if not to your
back. But he does know what's going through the minds of
other bule (foreigners) who see the mixed-culture couple
as they get out and about in the north-coast port where
they've become mildly famous.
For Yuyun is 23
and Sheldon is 72. To save you the job of scrabbling for
the calculator, that's almost half a century of
difference.
"I married a child," said Sheldon.
He said he hasn't been wed before, but has had other
partners. He also has a daughter in the US; Yuyun has
inherited a stepchild two years older than herself.
"This is keeping me young. I've always been
associated with beautiful women and this is the best
relationship I've ever had.
"Let's face it;
every middle-aged man has a fantasy of making it with a
young girl -- just ask Bill Clinton. Here in Indonesia
fantasy can become fact."
At this stage it's
important to report that Sheldon's comments were made in
front of his wife, who handles English well. His hearing
was damaged through military service and he's having
problems learning Indonesian.
More robust
remarks, prefaced by "man-to-man" will not find their
way into this family newspaper, but I guarantee they
only endorse and underline the above quotes.
And
what does Yuyun say about her husband of three years?
All the right things a bloke who's not going gentle into
that last good night loves to hear: "He is so romantic
and attentive," she said. "He's a nice man and I love
him. Every day he tells me that he's lucky to have me."
The couple says they're having so much fun in
and out of the bedroom that they want to share their
good fortune. So they've started an Internet dating
agency called An Asian Wife. The come-on is direct:
"Would you like a wife who never complains, nags
or refuses sex? One who devotes her life to making you
happy ... who will love you as a person and not as a
meal ticket?"
At one stage they had almost 300
"real, unspoilt Indonesian girls from villages" on their
books, but that number has been slimmed down to about 60
who are "serious and available."
For US$20 (Rp
180,000) the lonely suitor can buy a contact for the
lass of his choice -- then it's up to him to get in
touch and follow through.
But communication is a
big problem.
While the lusty lads in bleak
Birmingham (Alabama or West Midlands) can broadband
their ethernet billet-doux, the olive-skinned ladies in
waiting have no easy access to the Internet. Probolinggo
connections can be measured in minibytes.
So
it's not surprising not one of these contacts has
resulted in marriage. More successful (15 weddings so
far) have been the tours Sheldon and Yuyun organize for
amorous adventurers with time and cash.
For
about $1,500 the couple will pick up the wife-seeker at
Surabaya's airport and escort him to the lady's home.
This is usually mum and dad's abode, so kampong reality
soon crushes expectations of 24-hour workouts alone in
penthouse suites.
If she looks as lovely on the
carpet of her cramped lounge as she did on the laptop
and the emotional electrons are stimulated, then the
rest is up to them.
If not, Yuyun will schedule
other introductions until Ms Willing meets Mr Right. The
price includes hotel or homestay accommodation and
romantic trips for up to a fortnight.
The couple
said the men they've squired so far have been in their
40's and 50's from the US and UK, usually refugees from
a broken marriage, escapees from feminism and enticed by
the exotic.
Many have been anxious about
traveling to Indonesia fearing terrorists and were
"astonished at the differences from their negative
expectations".
"Age gaps aren't an issue in
Indonesia," said Sheldon. "The people here are really
friendly and hospitable. There are bad things about
Indonesia, like pollution and lousy service, but the
good outweigh.
"I no longer enjoy Britain --
it's like a police state. I can't even get a visa for
Yuyun so she can meet my relatives and see the country.
We don't want to live there.
"Here there are no
speed cameras, no parking restrictions, no surveillance,
no income tax, no VAT. To open a business you find some
premises and go ahead ... no licenses, no fire
inspections.
"No political correctness, no
lawsuits, no compulsory insurance, no fishing or
television licensing. Here I bought a house for $6,000.
You couldn't get a garden shed for that in England.
"Western women are disgusting. They are selfish,
egotistical and money oriented. If you don't have tons
of cash they're just not interested.
"Here I've
never met a real bitch. Indonesian women list being
faithful at the top of their requirements in a man.
There's a bit of hero worship. They like white skin."
And credit cards of whatever hue? Aren't many
bule chasers just gold-diggers?
"Some are --
though I can think of only two in this category that
we've had on our books. Women in Thailand and the
Philippines want a foreign husband so they can flee the
country -- then kick him out. Indonesian women aren't
like that -- they prefer to stay near their families."
A local proverb says when a woman marries a
foreigner she just gets the guy -- but he gets her and
her family.
"That can be true. Yuyun moved her
parents into our house after we got married without my
knowledge. I don't mind. There are many family
obligations in this culture."
How did you meet
Yuyun?
"An Indonesian friend I knew overseas
brought me here and introduced me to many families. He
said I'd never want to leave -- he was right! I was
accosted by so many women I was in heaven. They treated
me like Beckham! They're so sensual.
"Yuyun is
never unhappy, never miserable. She's so bubbly and easy
to get on with. How could I not love her? It never
entered my mind that we'd get married -- but Indonesian
women make decisions fast about their future."
(Yuyun: "I only agreed when I knew he was
serious and when he kept his promises.")
"Indonesian women don't talk openly about sex
and it was hands off before marriage. But when they love
there are no half measures. Westerners think they are
subdued. Not so. Yuyun is a real sexpot. It's me that
has to plead a headache some nights to get a rest."
What cultural hurdles have you hit?
"Not
many. We both share the same sense of humor. I don't
mind Indonesian food. I want lots of air in the house
and she doesn't. (When the Post visited the fans were on
in most rooms and the front door open.) Some men have
problems because of the lack of alcohol here. No issue
for me -- I don't drink."
Religion?
"I
had to become a Muslim to marry. I just mumbled a few
words I didn't understand. I'm not religious and Yuyun
isn't serious about religion."
What happens to
Yuyun when you die?
"I hope that by then she'll
be able to inherit my pension. I've had a heart by-pass,
but I'm pretty fit. My parents lived into their 90s.
"The house and car are in her name. We're
starting a business for her buying and selling cattle.
She'd love kids but first I have to be sure that her
future is secure."
(Srikandi is a non-profit
organization in Indonesia for local women who are
married -- or were married -- to foreigners. See
www.srikandi.org)
When age doesn't seem to
matter...
There's no shortage of famous couples
with significant age differences. Not surprisingly, it's
usually older man/younger woman, though film star Joan
Collins settled for a toyboy 32 years her junior.
Currently, Sir Paul McCartney and Heather Mills
(25 years) are getting the headlines as they divorce.
They've eclipsed Catherine Zeta-Jones and Michael
Douglas who also have a quarter-century gap.
In
business, media tycoon Rupert Murdoch's third wife Wendi
Deng is 38 years his junior. The press baron has proved
his potency by fathering two children with the former
Deng Wen Di.
The most famous has to be erstwhile
megabust Anna Nicole Smith and megabucks J Howard
Marshall II. Before they died they were 63 years apart.
